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One attitude that never lets you be happy

One attitude that never lets you be happy
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Asha was married off to Paresh with much fanfare. Paresh was a lawyer. Asha was happy. Her father and brother Sam were lawyers too. They had a very successful practice.

Asha was brought up in luxury. Luck had it that Paresh did not turn out to be as dynamic as Asha’s father and brother. Paresh was simple and hard -working man. Asha found him unambitious and not smart enough.  Asha’s life style was affected. Being used to luxurious life style, Asha couldn’t cope with the new circumstances. She started complaining to her parents.

“Who did you choose for me? Why couldn’t you check the background?” she asked.

The parents, out of guilt, tried their level best to support Asha. Yet, Asha was not happy. She had given the key of her happiness to Paresh. If Paresh was more dynamic, made more money, was smarter, than she would be happy.

Asha started becoming more and more unhappy. She felt victimized. The parents bore brunt of her emotional blackmailing.

Asha felt helpless because she felt that the situation was out of her control. She also felt hopeless because she didn’t know how to improve her situation and didn’t see it improving. Paresh was not behaving according to her expectations.

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Asha expected that all the people would change to suit her if she pressurized them enough.

One day, Asha’s brother Sam nudged her. If Asha thought that her father and brother were smart, she had inherited the same characteristics genetically and environmentally. Why wasn’t she taking her life into her own hands?

Asha was hurt deeply by her brother’s comments. A rich girl like her who had never arranged her own room was expected to run the house and work? She found it overwhelming.

Asha’s parents too reminded her to take responsibility for her life.

One day Asha was shouting at Paresh as she often used to. When Paresh didn’t react very sharply, Asha asked him what made him keep so calm. Paresh said that his friend Kamlesh had once said to him, “What you meet in life is destiny; how you meet it is your will.” This practical philosophy always inspired him to do his best in the difficult circumstances.

Never give away the key of your happiness to somebody else. Click To Tweet

This quote struck Asha. Sometimes it so happens that something touches the heart and reveals the truth that you have tried to struggle to understand for years. At that moment Asha understood that everything depended on her own will.

She sat next to Paresh and said to him, “Brother always says that I should be proactive and take charge of my life. Either I should accept the life style you can provide or go out and work but when I think of working I feel overwhelmed.”

Paresh knew that this was the opportunity he should grab. Half the battle is won when the person realizes the folly of his/her own belief. The other half is just a matter of time. Husband and wife sat together to choke out future plan.

Asha is not alone. Counsellors are seeing increasing number of people who are not able to take responsibilities for their lives. It is easy to blame parents, colleagues, boss or life partner for your misery.

Two factors are responsible for this situation.

  • Protective parents who want to give their children the best.
  • I also feel that the mentality of showing off, dowry and such social evils play the part too. Children in school are showing off their gadgets. Young men think about their market value and how much dowry can they fetch and the groom’s parents show off all the expensive gifts they have received in the functions of the marriages.

We are not teaching children that their self- worth comes from their own achievements.

Question to the reader: Will Asha be happy if she keeps blaming her husband for the rest of her life or take action?

Depending on others for your happiness may lead you to depression due to the feelings of hopelessness.

goal

Proactive steps that should be taken are:

 

  • See clearly the area of life where improvement is needed. (Financial status)
  • Prepare action plan to change the situation.(Asha starts working)
  • Set smart goal

S- Specific

M- Measurable

A -Achievable

R – Realistic

T – Time-bound

The goal should be small to begin with. (Paresh and Asha cook together in the morning for the entire day so that Asha feels confident that she has time to develop new skills)

  • Visualize the problems that may come in achieving new goal and how to solve them. This step is very important. When you know which the probable hindrances are, you are better prepared to solve them. (Developing new skills take time so have patience and persistence)
  • Congratulate yourself for your smallest achievement. It boosts your confidence.
  • Remind yourself about your new belief often. Changing belief is a big step and reminding you about your new belief strengths the belief.
  • After small goal is achieved, set the bigger goal.

It is a wise decision to not give away the key of your happiness to somebody else.

This is a guest post by Leena Kapadia. Read more of her blogs at leenawriterblog.wordpress.com/


Comments (6)

  • great post !

  • Hi Sonal,

    What a great picture you have painted here about human behavior and relationships.

    If we give our children too much, they will grow up “expecting” others to do what they deem good for them. From the very start, we need to teach our children that things don’t come easy. Give them a little chore to do when they are young in order to receive what they want. They will have a happier life when they become adults.

    Here, Asha is a representation of many people who don’t want or don’t know how to take responsibility for themselves. She just expected her husband to give her the life she had with her parents. When he didn’t she was miserable.

    I do believe this all starts from childhood. We as adults must remember to not make things so cushy for our children.

    -Donna
    Donna Merrill recently posted…My 3-Step Email Marketing StrategyMy Profile

    • Author

      Hi Donna

      Its true that we should not make things cushy for our children. We should develop in them the habit of doing things for themselves and taking responsibility. If everything is served on a platter – it can make it difficult for them later in the life.

      Thanks for sharing your views

      Have a nice day!

  • so, nice story and very well explained the whole fundaa.
    Thanks sonal for sharing this motivating one.
    Suman Patel recently posted…5 Benefits of Drinking Water, Most Read.My Profile

    • Author

      Hi Suman

      Thanks for taking time out to read it. Am glad that you liked it.

      Have a nice day!

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